She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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