He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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