she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
