I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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