Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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