thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize