please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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