Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
