I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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