Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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