all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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