my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
