i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
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we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
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That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.