i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...