My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.