well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
the liver wants what the liver wants
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.