So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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