I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
