Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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