I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
