he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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