Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
