btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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