i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
