i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
