And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
