Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
