where am i from again
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
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