Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
