When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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