I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
