sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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