Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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