we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
