shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Randomize