I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
