i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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