is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
