my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
