EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
