i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
