One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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