I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
