we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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