You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
3pm strippers are depressing
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
