A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
