if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
