I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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