i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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