the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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