Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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