I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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