I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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