My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
