I have demons in me.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
