why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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