He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
