Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Randomize
