Your face is a jimmy john
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Randomize
