I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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