New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
