whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
