My nipple is on Facebook.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
