So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
