We won't sleep together?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
