I want to make a zoo with you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
