you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
