hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
