I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
